I have a very good friend. He and I have been friends for a long time now, in a rather profane Cruel Intentions sort of way. So when he took a fancy to The Flatmate I said, “ah, I wouldn’t. Once you’re done with her that could be a problem.” As usual, I was ignored.
To say the situation escalated is a bit like saying the Twin Towers sort of wobbled a bit…
Initially, all was rosy. The Friend and The Flatmate were spending an awful lot of time together indulging in a rather geeky TV-related hobby they both share. (Which I don’t share!) All was well. The Friend informed me he really was taking a shine to her and that there had been Cuddles. Just Cuddles mind you.
Now this is where it gets complicated. She would come home of a night, flop down on the sofa and inform me she’d been over to see “That bloody [-] again”. Then a lengthy discussion would ensue about how The Friend wasn’t getting the hint, and seemed to think they were in a relationship, even though she’d made it perfectly clear they were not, and they were “just mates”.
The next day, The Friend would pop over. And the story differed somewhat. According to him all was going well. She was giving him all the right signs, even telling him she had feelings for him. And of course there had been more Cuddles.
I told The Friend what The Flatmate had said. I couldn’t dream of doing otherwise, we’ve known each other far too long. Plus I was curious! Was he misreading the signs? Or was she talking rot?
Cut a long story short, turns out she was talking rot.
I did my best to dissuade The Friend, but unfortunately once his interest has been piqued, this is no mean feat! He wasn’t having any of it. He continued “the chase”. She, on the other hand, moaned to me. I told her her best bet is to tell him a straight No, Not Interested. Which she didn’t really do, she sort of tried, but skirted around the issue rather than coming straight to the point. And coming straight to the point in a blunt and forward manner is what is required with The Friend if you want to get anything through to him sometimes! Believe me, I know.
..and then enter The Inevitable Text Message.
The Flatmate had decided to go down the “ignore him and hope he goes away” route. Which I knew wasn’t going to work, but hey ho, I had tried to help and failed already. Then I got a message from The Friend;
“Why is [-] ignoring me?”
“Because she’s not interested mate”
“Well I wish she’d bloody tell me so herself”
“You don’t need her to, I’m telling you. Love ya! xx”
“I’m going to text her”
“Don’t”
…
“I sent her this: [-]”
And “This” was a lengthy and provoking rant about “her DVDs being left with Lydia and how not having the decency to even f*** message him to say goodbye after everything he’s done is disgusting” etc etc
I messaged him back;
“You’re a pratt”
The Flatmate came home that night in a foul mood. She immediately read out the aforementioned text message to me.
…And I laughed.
I couldn’t help it! It was just so funny! The message was clearly just a load of old nonsense designed to provoke a response. I thought she’d see through that. She didn’t however. And apparently laughing was inappropriate. She stormed off and slammed her door.
So I messaged The Friend;
“I’m going to strangle you for this one. You are a drama queen and a needy, incorrigible extrovert!!”
His reply?
“Take it she just got home then.”
Men!
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